Mollie

There are no words for this. No words.

Gimme a hand!

I drew this at lunch the other day and thought it was decent. I'll have to make some more exciting artwork for the blog.

5 Signs You’re creating an Adult Contemporary hit

I was listening subjected to the classic adult contemporary hit, She's Like the Wind by Patrick Swayze and wondered how you know you’re creating a “lite” rock, adult contemporary power ballad before it's even released. Here’s a list of warning signs:

1.       Your song features sultry saxophoing and/or synthesized beats. This seems to be one of the underlying musical currents of lite pop hits. Notables include, Phil Collins, Kenny G, Anita Baker and of course the aforementioned Swayze.

2.      You’re teaming up with Linda Ronstadt. (This advice applies especially to Aaron Neville). You may be crafting a song and thinking to yourself, “the pop vocals of Linda Ronstadt blended with mine are just what this song needs”. Wrong. Teaming up with Ms. Ronstadt may sound like a good idea but it’s a one way road to the adult contemporary charts. Despite her solo accomplishments Linda is a perennial fixture of lite rock. You’re more likely to hear Ronstadt vocals at a dentist’s office than you are a drill. 

3.       Whimsical imagery. If your song includes whimsical ideas like sailing, balloon rides, summer days, or how cute your child is then you my friend are writing an adult contemporary hit. It’s a proven fact there’s nothing adults love more than whimsy so incorporating it to music is like crack to them. Examples include; Summer Breeze, Butterfly Kisses, Sail Away, I Hope You Dance.

4.      It’s on the soundtrack of an 80’s comedy. What is it about 80’s comedies that inspired such sappy love songs? I guess the 1980’s were a complex time when comedy needed that extra bit of drama and melancholy to “bring it home”. After all, this was the decade that created the “very special episodes” of otherwise comedic TV shows. Examples of sappy power ballads inserted into comedies include; include Tootsie , Arthur , An American Tail (bonus points—it features Linda Ronstadt!), Scrooged.

5.       You’re Aaron Neville. Maybe his time in prison made him get in touch with his softer side. Everything he sings has an adult rock affectation He can even cover songs and make them lite. Examples include; Betcha By Golly, Wow,  Everybody Plays the Fool, Don't Know Much (Extra bonus, one of several duets with Linda Ronstadt! Together they form an unbeatable force of adult contemporary fury).

On the plus side is the fact you’re writing a hit song however, know that it will be primarily heard by people strapped to chairs during teeth cleanings, at work or waiting to see a doctor. Not the best context for your creation.

Special shout out to the king of adult contemporary, Lionel Richie. All of his songs are lite rock hits so there's really no way he's unaware of what he's making. Same for Richard Marx  

Here's how the copy for this ad should read

This season why flatter your figure when you can hide it? This cozy fleece pantsuit sends the message that you value comfort over all else and can't be bothered to operate modern day nuisances like buttons and zippers. Who needs 'em?! Perfect for a day filled with watching daytime TV, compulsive eating and periods of uncontrollable crying. If this snazzy ensemble can't make the model look good just imagine how you'll look in it!

Sexual harassment is not a laughing matter.

So last week I took an online sexual harassment training class at work and it while it was dull and too long it was also really funny. I removed any mention of my workplace. Now why don't you put on that sexy mini skirt and check out these screens from the lesson.

Maybe John's onto something. Perhaps we should more equally distribute our gays among America's great city like a fabulous and fierce natural resource. There could be children in the cornfields who need makeovers and don't have a local gay to help them!

That's so messed up I don't know where to begin. Everyone knows Eduardo prefers to be called an"uneducated Latino".

The correct answer was D, White people are selfish and greedy. Who let Roberto into the last secret meeting?

This is owl you need for protection

Who wants an old fashioned scarecrow when you can protect your garden with this freakish owl like thing! This "life-like" owl hoots to scare away the dumbest of nature's vegetarians from your garden and can also be placed at your front door to greet "visitors in a fun, original way". Entering a house with this "very attractive and realistic design" tells your guests that you are not only a satanic owl-worshipping cult member but also have very poor taste in décor.

Owl will protect you.

Sneak preview of Queen of New England

I'm heading to San Diego for Comic Con International and bringing issue one of the new monthly comic which I hope to get published. It's called Queen of New England and follows the adventures of a spunky young woman who is the black sheep of her prestigious family and trying to carve her own path in life. I thought I'd share the first page here and hopefully this is only the beginning. Caution for anyone easily offended, there is some foul language.

Panda says...

Remember kids panda says, “stretching makes you more flexible!” The more flexible you are the more delicious soy sauce covered foods you can fit in your belly!

Thanks to Caitlin for showing me this great sauce packet.

Native ornamentation

The Bradford Exchange brings us this ornament of a race of people who have been all but eradicated but their ability to make money lives on. Whether you love Native American imagery or some lingering guilt over their slaughter compels you to buy anything bearing their likeness—this is just the thing for you! What could be more graceful than vaguely Native American people adorning your Christmas tree or just hanging around daily? No portions of the proceeds will go towards any sort of charity or reservation so you can feel even better about your purchase.

Why get dressed?

This is perfect for those days when you're trying to for that, I-haven't-left-the-house-all-day look. It tells the world that you're a free spirit, not confined by fashion or the cultural norms of getting dressed. Whoever wrote the ad copy gets you and notes how it's "perfect for lounging or entertaining at home--even candlelight dinners". Indeed if you're wearing this "figure-flattering" frock around the house you probably look best in candlelight so live it up girl! It's not a muumuu, it's a statement.

Awesome video

This is a great song and the video is pretty dope too. Check it out all you awesome people out there!

Why Ellen, why?

Have you seen these new Cisco ads with Ellen Page? They shoehorned Ellen Page into ads about Cisco systems technology featuring people who seem to care even less about Ellen Page being in the ads than the viewer. Is there some connection to Ellen and business technology that I just don't see? Was there a big conference call scene in Juno that I missed or was telecommunication a bigger part of Hard Candy than I realized?

Click to witness the awkwardness that is Ellen Page and Cisco.

Tell them they're old without saying a word

I don't picture a lot of people buying this for themselves, I think it's more of a gift item. This is something you buy for a loved one to say to them, "you're ready for the nursing home", without actually having to say it. It's also a nice way of saying, "you're as cute as a baby and a messy eater like a baby, so wear this fucking bib". Nothing could be more heartfelt and considerate.

Return of the mack

Sorry for the lapse in posts to my faithful reader (whoever you are). I moved earlier this month and was packing before that so my blog has taken a backseat. I hope to have more posts and exciting adventures to share.

Movie review—Shutter Island

This isn't a terrible movie but it's not amazing either. From the overbearing score at the beginning to the over-explanation at the end this movie is a cinematic bludgeoning. Scorsese ditches subtlety and instead makes sure the audience "gets it" by explaining to the point of absurdity and boredom.  


This isn't to say the movie doesn't have merit. The acting is superb and much of the movie is beautifully shot with an artistic eye and palette. I liked some of the film noir elements and the homages to Hitchcock were nice. 


In summary this is an enjoyable movie if you want some cheap thrills but overall not one of Scorsese's best.

Lunch Drawing 3-1-10

Yeesh I didn't post at all last month huh? Here's another drawing I did at lunch. It's more of a sketch than anything. I've been busy working on my next comicbook project but I hope to add more stuff soon.

Lunch Drawing 1-29-10

This is a rough sketch I did at work last week. It's a scene from the comic I'm working on so I thought I'd share.

New year, old work.

Happy new year faithful blog reader! I realize January is more than halfway over but I've been busy working on my next comicbook project. Once I have some of it scanned I'll post it. In the meantime I've dipped into my archives so here is some of my artwork from  college. Comment if you like it and want to see more. I've got more where this came from!

Hope you like it and happy new year!

E is for embryo

Self portrait

                  Maze

     Gluttony