Sunday, August 7, 2011

Random sketch 8-7-11

I know it's been a looong ass time since I've posted anything on here and not sure if anyone read this in the first place. Hmmm...I don't get hate or fan mail. Anyway I'm working on a big project but I made this sketch when I was messing with Sketchbook Pro and thought I'd share.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Gimme a hand!

I drew this at lunch the other day and thought it was decent. I'll have to make some more exciting artwork for the blog.

Friday, October 8, 2010

5 Signs You’re creating an Adult Contemporary hit

I was listening subjected to the classic adult contemporary hit, She's Like the Wind by Patrick Swayze and wondered how you know you’re creating a “lite” rock, adult contemporary power ballad before it's even released. Here’s a list of warning signs:

1.       Your song features sultry saxophoing and/or synthesized beats. This seems to be one of the underlying musical currents of lite pop hits. Notables include, Phil Collins, Kenny G, Anita Baker and of course the aforementioned Swayze.

2.      You’re teaming up with Linda Ronstadt(This advice applies especially to Aaron Neville). You may be crafting a song and thinking to yourself, “the pop vocals of Linda Ronstadt blended with mine are just what this song needs”. Wrong. Teaming up with Ms. Ronstadt may sound like a good idea but it’s a one way road to the adult contemporary charts. Despite her solo accomplishments Linda is a perennial fixture of lite rock. You’re more likely to hear Ronstadt vocals at a dentist’s office than you are a drill. 

3.       Whimsical imagery. If your song includes whimsical ideas like sailing, balloon rides, summer days, or how cute your child is then you my friend are writing an adult contemporary hit. It’s a proven fact there’s nothing adults love more than whimsy so incorporating it to music is like crack to them. Examples include; Summer Breeze, Butterfly Kisses, Sail AwayI Hope You Dance.

4.      It’s on the soundtrack of an 80’s comedy. What is it about 80’s comedies that inspired such sappy love songs? I guess the 1980’s were a complex time when comedy needed that extra bit of drama and melancholy to “bring it home”. After all, this was the decade that created the “very special episodes” of otherwise comedic TV shows. Examples of sappy power ballads inserted into comedies include; include Tootsie , Arthur , An American Tail (bonus points—it features Linda Ronstadt!), Scrooged.

5.       You’re Aaron Neville. Maybe his time in prison made him get in touch with his softer side. Everything he sings has an adult rock affectation He can even cover songs and make them lite. Examples include; Betcha By Golly, Wow,  Everybody Plays the FoolDon't Know Much (Extra bonus, one of several duets with Linda Ronstadt! Together they form an unbeatable force of adult contemporary fury).

On the plus side is the fact you’re writing a hit song however, know that it will be primarily heard by people strapped to chairs during teeth cleanings, at work or waiting to see a doctor. Not the best context for your creation.

Special shout out to the king of adult contemporary, Lionel Richie. All of his songs are lite rock hits so there's really no way he's unaware of what he's making. Same for Richard Marx  

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Here's how the copy for this ad should read

This season why flatter your figure when you can hide it? This cozy fleece pantsuit sends the message that you value comfort over all else and can't be bothered to operate modern day nuisances like buttons and zippers. Who needs 'em?! Perfect for a day filled with watching daytime TV, compulsive eating and periods of uncontrollable crying. If this snazzy ensemble can't make the model look good just imagine how you'll look in it!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Sexual harassment is not a laughing matter.

So last week I took an online sexual harassment training class at work and it while it was dull and too long it was also really funny. I removed any mention of my workplace. Now why don't you put on that sexy mini skirt and check out these screens from the lesson.

Maybe John's onto something. Perhaps we should more equally distribute our gays among America's great city like a fabulous and fierce natural resource. There could be children in the cornfields who need makeovers and don't have a local gay to help them!
That's so messed up I don't know where to begin. Everyone knows Eduardo prefers to be called an"uneducated Latino".
The correct answer was D, White people are selfish and greedy. Who let Roberto into the last secret meeting?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

This is owl you need for protection

Who wants an old fashioned scarecrow when you can protect your garden with this freakish owl like thing! This "life-like" owl hoots to scare away the dumbest of nature's vegetarians from your garden and can also be placed at your front door to greet "visitors in a fun, original way". Entering a house with this "very attractive and realistic design" tells your guests that you are not only a satanic owl-worshipping cult member but also have very poor taste in d├ęcor.

Owl will protect you.