Blathering Blatherskites!

Random sketch 8-7-11

2011-08-07T21:35:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a looong ass time since I've posted anything on here and not sure if anyone read this in the first place. Hmmm...I don't get hate or fan mail. Anyway I'm working on a big project but I made this sketch when I was messing with Sketchbook Pro and thought I'd share.

Cheers!

Mollie

2010-11-10T18:47:00.000-08:00

There are no words for this. No words.

Gimme a hand!

2010-11-03T21:00:00.000-07:00

I drew this at lunch the other day and thought it was decent. I'll have to make some more exciting artwork for the blog.

5 Signs You’re creating an Adult Contemporary hit

2010-10-08T14:30:00.000-07:00

I was ~~listening~~ subjected to the classic adult contemporary hit, She's Like the Wind by Patrick Swayze and wondered how you know you’re creating a “lite” rock, adult contemporary power ballad before it's even released. Here’s a list of warning signs:

1. Your song features sultry saxophoing and/or synthesized beats. This seems to be one of the underlying musical currents of lite pop hits. Notables include, Phil Collins, Kenny G, Anita Baker and of course the aforementioned Swayze.

2. You’re teaming up with Linda Ronstadt. (This advice applies especially to Aaron Neville). You may be crafting a song and thinking to yourself, “the pop vocals of Linda Ronstadt blended with mine are just what this song needs”. Wrong. Teaming up with Ms. Ronstadt may sound like a good idea but it’s a one way road to the adult contemporary charts. Despite her solo accomplishments Linda is a perennial fixture of lite rock. You’re more likely to hear Ronstadt vocals at a dentist’s office than you are a drill.

3. Whimsical imagery. If your song includes whimsical ideas like sailing, balloon rides, summer days, or how cute your child is then you my friend are writing an adult contemporary hit. It’s a proven fact there’s nothing adults love more than whimsy so incorporating it to music is like crack to them. Examples include; Summer Breeze, Butterfly Kisses, Sail Away, I Hope You Dance.

4. It’s on the soundtrack of an 80’s comedy. What is it about 80’s comedies that inspired such sappy love songs? I guess the 1980’s were a complex time when comedy needed that extra bit of drama and melancholy to “bring it home”. After all, this was the decade that created the “very special episodes” of otherwise comedic TV shows. Examples of sappy power ballads inserted into comedies include; include Tootsie , Arthur , An American Tail (bonus points—it features Linda Ronstadt!), Scrooged.

5. You’re Aaron Neville. Maybe his time in prison made him get in touch with his softer side. Everything he sings has an adult rock affectation He can even cover songs and make them lite. Examples include; Betcha By Golly, Wow, Everybody Plays the Fool, Don't Know Much (Extra bonus, one of several duets with Linda Ronstadt! Together they form an unbeatable force of adult contemporary fury).

On the plus side is the fact you’re writing a hit song however, know that it will be primarily heard by people strapped to chairs during teeth cleanings, at work or waiting to see a doctor. Not the best context for your creation.

Special shout out to the king of adult contemporary, Lionel Richie. All of his songs are lite rock hits so there's really no way he's unaware of what he's making. Same for Richard Marx

Here's how the copy for this ad should read

2010-09-21T19:51:00.000-07:00

This season why flatter your figure when you can hide it? This cozy fleece pantsuit sends the message that you value comfort over all else and can't be bothered to operate modern day nuisances like buttons and zippers. Who needs 'em?! Perfect for a day filled with watching daytime TV, compulsive eating and periods of uncontrollable crying. If this snazzy ensemble can't make the model look good just imagine how you'll look in it!

Sexual harassment is not a laughing matter.

2010-08-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

So last week I took an online sexual harassment training class at work and it while it was dull and too long it was also really funny. I removed any mention of my workplace. Now why don't you put on that sexy mini skirt and check out these screens from the lesson.

Maybe John's onto something. Perhaps we should more equally distribute our gays among America's great city like a fabulous and fierce natural resource. There could be children in the cornfields who need makeovers and don't have a local gay to help them!

That's so messed up I don't know where to begin. Everyone knows Eduardo prefers to be called an"uneducated Latino".

The correct answer was D, White people are selfish and greedy. Who let Roberto into the last secret meeting?

This is owl you need for protection

2010-08-05T17:41:00.000-07:00

Who wants an old fashioned scarecrow when you can protect your garden with this freakish owl like thing! This "life-like" owl hoots to scare away the dumbest of nature's vegetarians from your garden and can also be placed at your front door to greet "visitors in a fun, original way". Entering a house with this "very attractive and realistic design" tells your guests that you are not only a satanic owl-worshipping cult member but also have very poor taste in décor.

Owl will protect you.

Sneak preview of Queen of New England

2010-07-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

I'm heading to San Diego for Comic Con International and bringing issue one of the new monthly comic which I hope to get published. It's called Queen of New England and follows the adventures of a spunky young woman who is the black sheep of her prestigious family and trying to carve her own path in life. I thought I'd share the first page here and hopefully this is only the beginning. Caution for anyone easily offended, there is some foul language.

Panda says...

2010-07-20T13:59:00.000-07:00

Remember kids panda says, “stretching makes you more flexible!” The more flexible you are the more delicious soy sauce covered foods you can fit in your belly!

Thanks to Caitlin for showing me this great sauce packet.

Native ornamentation

2010-07-06T18:01:00.000-07:00

The Bradford Exchange brings us this ornament of a race of people who have been all but eradicated but their ability to make money lives on. Whether you love Native American imagery or some lingering guilt over their slaughter compels you to buy anything bearing their likeness—this is just the thing for you! What could be more graceful than vaguely Native American people adorning your Christmas tree or just hanging around daily? No portions of the proceeds will go towards any sort of charity or reservation so you can feel even better about your purchase.

Why get dressed?

2010-06-12T20:23:00.000-07:00

This is perfect for those days when you're trying to for that, I-haven't-left-the-house-all-day look. It tells the world that you're a free spirit, not confined by fashion or the cultural norms of getting dressed. Whoever wrote the ad copy gets you and notes how it's "perfect for lounging or entertaining at home--even candlelight dinners". Indeed if you're wearing this "figure-flattering" frock around the house you probably look best in candlelight so live it up girl! It's not a muumuu, it's a statement.

Awesome video

2010-05-30T17:52:00.000-07:00

This is a great song and the video is pretty dope too. Check it out all you awesome people out there!

Why Ellen, why?

2010-05-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

Have you seen these new Cisco ads with Ellen Page? They shoehorned Ellen Page into ads about Cisco systems technology featuring people who seem to care even less about Ellen Page being in the ads than the viewer. Is there some connection to Ellen and business technology that I just don't see? Was there a big conference call scene in Juno that I missed or was telecommunication a bigger part of Hard Candy than I realized?

Click to witness the awkwardness that is Ellen Page and Cisco.

Tell them they're old without saying a word

2010-05-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

I don't picture a lot of people buying this for themselves, I think it's more of a gift item. This is something you buy for a loved one to say to them, "you're ready for the nursing home", without actually having to say it. It's also a nice way of saying, "you're as cute as a baby and a messy eater like a baby, so wear this fucking bib". Nothing could be more heartfelt and considerate.

Return of the mack

2010-05-26T17:34:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lapse in posts to my faithful reader (whoever you are). I moved earlier this month and was packing before that so my blog has taken a backseat. I hope to have more posts and exciting adventures to share.

Movie review—Shutter Island

2010-03-07T19:50:00.000-08:00

This isn't a terrible movie but it's not amazing either. From the overbearing score at the beginning to the over-explanation at the end this movie is a cinematic bludgeoning. Scorsese ditches subtlety and instead makes sure the audience "gets it" by explaining to the point of absurdity and boredom.

This isn't to say the movie doesn't have merit. The acting is superb and much of the movie is beautifully shot with an artistic eye and palette. I liked some of the film noir elements and the homages to Hitchcock were nice.

In summary this is an enjoyable movie if you want some cheap thrills but overall not one of Scorsese's best.

Lunch Drawing 3-1-10

2010-03-01T19:19:00.000-08:00

Yeesh I didn't post at all last month huh? Here's another drawing I did at lunch. It's more of a sketch than anything. I've been busy working on my next comicbook project but I hope to add more stuff soon.

Lunch Drawing 1-29-10

2010-02-01T17:24:00.000-08:00

This is a rough sketch I did at work last week. It's a scene from the comic I'm working on so I thought I'd share.

New year, old work.

2010-01-21T17:40:00.000-08:00

Happy new year faithful blog reader! I realize January is more than halfway over but I've been busy working on my next comicbook project. Once I have some of it scanned I'll post it. In the meantime I've dipped into my archives so here is some of my artwork from college. Comment if you like it and want to see more. I've got more where this came from!

Hope you like it and happy new year!

E is for embryo

Self portrait

Maze

Gluttony

Movie review—Avatar

2009-12-20T16:11:00.000-08:00

Seeing as I had nothing better to do on Friday night and thought I would give into the Hollywood hype machine, I went to my local multiplex and went to see Avatar. First off I would recommend seeing it in 3D because it was filmed with the intention of be viewed in 3D.

This is a visual feast from the very beginning and you're thrown right into the storyline from the get go, getting filled in with details along the way. The basic plot is that humans are greedy and selfish and after destroying Earth they set to space to colonize and strip mine other planets. The natives of the planet they're after now aren't so friendly so they create avatars that allow them to look like the locals and try to assimilate. Of course there are kind hearted humans who take the moral high ground and try to help the natives.

There are some really great battle scenes and the special effects are done masterfully. I was really skeptical about the blue, 10 feet tall avatars but they really look and feel natural. After awhile you begin to prefer watching the CGI over the real human footage. However it makes you wonder why they didn't just animate the whole damn movie and save a couple hundred million. If the point of creating a movie wouldn't that have been just as effective? Perhaps.

In summary, this was an enjoyable parable of a movie that dazzles you with special effects and an engrossing storyline but leaves you wondering if it was worth all the fuss.

Glasslock is a lock

2009-12-01T20:22:00.000-08:00

Last week I received a set of 8 Glasslock containers from my friends at CSN Stores and they kick ass! It's a bit heavier toting leftovers for lunch to work but it's nice to know that I'm not being slowly killed by dioxins and nasty chemicals being leeched into my food by plastic. They're also a great gift idea for anyone who's sick of being buried under mismatched plastic food containers so consider them for the holidays!

Check out the other great housewares, dining room furniture and other products available at CSN.com too. Their selection is immense.

Some sketches

2009-11-26T19:25:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd share a few sketches that I've been doing as begin my next comic book. Hands are really my weak point so I'm trying to work on them. The guy isn't a character, just a random doodle (dude-le?)

I'm thankful for...

2009-11-26T16:41:00.000-08:00

This year I'm thankful for having a blog reader, so thank you whoever you are. Ha ha. I'm also thankful for Lady Gaga and the tickets I have to see her in January. Where would the world be without euphemisms like "disco stick"? This is one crizazy beyotch and I wouldn't have her any other way.

Lunch Drawing 11-23-09

2009-11-23T17:58:00.000-08:00

Here's a drawing I did at lunch today. I used to be better about sketching at lunch and haven't as much lately.

Kinkade strikes again

2009-11-16T17:45:00.000-08:00

"The Painter of Light" is at it again, making schlocky art and attaching his name to consumer crap. The holidays are just around the corner and you may ask yourself, "how do I find the time to decorate a tree in the style of Thomas Kinkade's paintings?!" Well now everyone does. You just pull up this tree and voila, instant Kinkade-ification! Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, or have sold your soul to the "Painter of Light", your bases are covered with this bastardization of all things good and holy.

WARNING: Don't electrocute yourself while plugging it in—Thomas Kinkade needs you alive to buy more stuff with his whimiscal wonderlands on them!

The Kiss of Death!

2009-11-16T17:37:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't love chocolate and those little representatives of candy love—the Hershey's Kiss!? Well you may not love them if you receive this lame ass Hershey's Kiss music box as a gift. Forget it if you've got a son, this one comes inscribed with "Kisses for My Daughter" and it's for the ladies. When you open this candy-less Trojan Horse Kiss it plays "Your Are So Beautiful". I guess it's to tell your daughter how much she reminds you of a big bottomed blob of chocolate?

Personally I'd rather have chocolate but maybe that's just me.

Coming soon...

2009-11-11T20:32:00.000-08:00

Be on the lookout for some more musings on ridiculous ads and artwork that I hope to post. In addition I'm going to post a review of some great looking reusable glass food containers that I ordered from CSNStores.com. Not only do they have amazing living room and dining room furniture but they have housewears too. I love the Noguchi coffee table on CSNstores.com!

I'm very afraid of dioxines leaking into my food so I hope these glass containers fix thee problem.

33 Problems and a wish ain't one

2009-11-11T20:25:00.000-08:00

Who hasn't made a wish and hoped it would come true? Well with Maria Duval's foolproof plan your wish can come true! All you do is check off the wishes you want to come true, mail it to Maria, mail back the large secret white envelope and voila—wish granted. I mean Maria has been "consulted by many international celebrities"and is a "holder of the highest honorary awards and degrees" so of course you're gonna see results. I can guarantee that if your wish is to make your money vanish it's bound to work.

If anyone tries it let me know if your wish comes true.

"Sin" is a sin?

2009-10-31T09:18:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd share this case of censorship gone wrong. I saw this video posted on Perez Hilton's website (http://www.perezhilton.com) and in case you haven't heard it, this song is about a threesome. For whatever reason the word sin is overdubbed from the phrase "living in sin". Why is the word sin deemed the offensive part of this song? Just another bizarre case of mindless censorship.

Where it all began

2009-10-12T07:18:00.000-07:00

I thought I would post this picture of the Walkman that inspired my comic. It's sort of a behind the scenes look at the inner workings of my brain.

The Adventures of Walkman

2009-10-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

I created this comic after seeing an old Walkman that my Dad picked up at a tag sale and it resemebled a face. The story came after. It's also featured as a guest strip on The Daily Cross Hatch blog . http://thedailycrosshatch.com/

Enjoy!

Obama to have giant thighs?

2009-09-06T09:06:00.000-07:00

I hope this was a joke that the character is named Deathpanel. I know that President Obama has been featured in Rob Liefeld's Youngblood lately but please tell me that a character named Deathpanel is a joke. I also hope that President Obama is never drawn with giant thighs, shoulder pads and utility belts all over the place.

http://thedailycrosshatch.com/2009/09/03/next-weeks-is-funny-with-timmy-williams-8309/#more-4537

Sunday ads for the ladies

2009-08-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

More fun with Sunday circulars! These are two for the ladies. First we have a snazzy snap up jacket—perfect for any occasion! As long as that occasion is playing bridge with the gals or Wednesday night bingo. It would also be good for geriatric strippers who want to rip their clothes off in a hurry but stay warm beforehand.

Snap-It-Up bitch!

The next ad is for a real gem. What could be worse than cancer? Why none other than art by "Painter of Light" Thomas Kinkade that's what! Cancer is no laughing matter, which is why Mr. Kinkade teamed up with the good folks at The Hamilton Collection to create a statue for that will give "a portion of the proceeds" to help find a cure for breast cancer. Your generosity knows no bounds "Painter of Light"! This "graceful lady" who "reminds us that the hope for a cure is as timeless as a woman's elegance" was simply inspired by the "romantic paintings" of Señor Kinkade. That means he probably had nothing to do with this. Awesome!

That's all the sarcasm I can muster for this week. Enjoy these ads and I hope to post some original artwork soon.

Cat Clock

2009-07-29T19:10:00.000-07:00

This is perfect for the man who has pussy on his brain all day long! Not only does this charming conversation piece feature pictures of kitties at each hour, it also has a moving tail. What better way to spend a day than chasing tail?

God Bless The Bradford Exchange.

Artist trading cards

2009-07-20T19:32:00.000-07:00

I made these awhile back. They were of random people I saw and created on Strathmore Artist Trading Cards Bristol Board with pencil, pen and ink. I like the concept of having artists create trading cards to create and share. I guess I'll have to make enough to trade.

Crazy spams

2009-07-20T18:28:00.000-07:00

I love these two bizarrely poetic and schizophrenic spams that I got today so much that I had to share them. The first was from my dear, dear, friend Agnes Walker. In her subject line she plainly reminds me, "I talk like a valley girl". Tell it like it is sister. Now imagine her reading this message in her Valley Girl voice;

It makes no difference who you are . The things we mean to say.
How are you? my new friend! Pretty woman here!

Notice the thoughtful, almost poetic way in which Agnes writes. She may be spam but she has soul and apparently looks like Julia Roberts.

I saw your profile on some website and decided to drop you
few lines. I am moving to your area in few days and looking for a man
partner who could show me around and who knows what might come out of this.
I am moving from the other part of the world.

Details aren't necessary Agnes, when you say "other part of the world" I know what you mean. I know it in my heart place.

Will send you my pic once you reply. Give me one more night, give me just one more night. I will always be with you.

What I love so much about Agnes' correspondence is how quickly her mood shifts and how sporadic her writing is. It's very conversational but also crazy! Two things I look for in my imaginary friends. We've only just met and never seen each other but boy is she ready to commit! She insists I give her one more night yet we've never even met!

Another fake spam friend of mine named Cindy Sanchez also wrote to me today and tells it like it is right in the subject line, "safe but crazy". Ain't no shame Cindy, ain't no shame. She's another sexy schizo who jumps right into her message, with pure white stars Exotic sweetness a magical time. But if i said to you please don't do it. Hullo! my new friend! Where is my man? I am woman looking for one."

Who has time for proper greetings Cindy—who has time?! She gets right to the message and then reminds me of our close bond. Am I her man? Have we met? Is she really crazy? Who cares! All that matters is she is safe with an exotic sweetness to her. Safe but crazy.

Illustration Friday – Subtract

2009-07-14T19:44:00.000-07:00

This was a piece that I did for Illustration Friday but never submitted because I didn't think it was quite finished. The one word that week was "subtract" and this is what I came up with.

Zombie book illustrations

2009-07-12T15:49:00.000-07:00

Here are illustrations that I did for a book that sadly aren't going to be used. The publisher is going with another illustrator due to marketing reasons. Still they make a good portfolio piece.

They are famous authors and the book is a Cliff Notes version of famous stories with zombies, werewolves and vampires interjected. Sounds cool so I'm bummed that they're not using my work. Let me know what you think and enjoy!

Mary Shelley
Joseph Conrad
Emily Bronte
Charlotte Bronte
Charles Dickens
William Shakespeare — Romeo & Juliet
Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mark Twain

William Shakespeare — Hamlet

Must have headwear for AARP members

2009-06-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

This hat is a must have for any 55 year old or over. Not only does it proudly proclaim to the world, "I am a senior and proud", it tells them that you're one cheap old bastard. Note to trophy wife hunting seniors, don't wear this hat when looking for your younger, gold-digging wife. Not a good conversation starter.

Note to Subway

2009-06-24T19:51:00.000-07:00

Your five dollar footlong commercials do not make me want to go to Subway. They make me want to jump in front of a subway.

Contemporary art trip

2009-06-24T18:59:00.000-07:00

I got the opportunity to go view a private art collection with work today and it was incredible. Not only did I get out of work for the day but I got to see works of art that few people can see. I decided to share the work of a few of the artists I saw today here. These aren't necessarily the works that I saw but just the artists. Enjoy!

Elizabeth Peyton

Jean Michel Basquiat

Cindy Sherman
Jeff Koons

Movie review—The Hangover

2009-06-13T19:43:00.000-07:00

This movie looked hilarious in the previews, which usually means that the finished product won't be, but this movie delivered the goods. This movie is really funny, well acted and fun. I recommend it. What more can I say? That's my review.

More Fail blog stuff

2009-06-10T19:58:00.000-07:00

This stuff is too good not to post. Check out www.failblog.com for more. Enjoy!

see more Fail Blog

see more Fail Blog

see more Fail Blog
Looks like they have a lot of dreams for their little Holly.

see more Fail Blog

Fun at the TA Truck Stop

2009-05-31T09:25:00.000-07:00

Coming home from a stag party last night I stopped at a Truck Stop near 84 in Southington to buy gum and a drink. I was really impressed with the odd assortment of things you can buy. Maybe it was because I was buzzed? (I didn't drive). Look at the amazing things you can buy here. It was like a treasure trove of trashy trinkets.

In today's busy world who has time for shopping at malls?! While I'm at the truck stop I'll pick up shorts, a nice leather fringe vest and a new do-rag to top off my look. The flaming skull cologne is just the perfect scent to attract the ladies.

These heater meals seemed to be the big new thing at the truck stop. Who knows what kind of magic makes these instantly hot. Nanotechnology? Eat it off a commemorative Connecticut plate and you've got yourself dinner! Not sure what the deck of cards has to do with Connecticut. Maybe the casinos?

There was also a game room where you can play the Connecticut themed Lighthouse game or the New Jersey themed Sopranos pinball.

The best labels money can buy.

2009-05-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

I have to give credit to my co-worker Aja for showing this to me. This is one of my prized possessions at work and it's just an empty box. These labels are worth buying just for the packaging, which is rare for office supplies. I want to meet the stoner Fight Club fan who works at Avery.

Secret gaudy cross

2009-05-18T19:13:00.000-07:00

I regularly post the weird ads from the weekly Sunday circulars and here is this week's gem. Not only can you wear this cross with you everywhere, but you'll never be caught without The Lord's Prayer! It's like a secret DaVinci Code message but without all the messy conspiracy. I can't tell whether it projects The Lord's Prayer onto walls or if you're just supposed to squint and read it. That girl must have cybernetic eyes or some shit.

Great graffiti

2009-05-12T18:18:00.000-07:00

I walk by this graffitied door on my walks at lunch and finally took a picture of it. It rocks doesn't it? I hope that it's never painted over.

Bonus points if you can tell me where this is in New Haven.

Awesome SPAM

2009-05-04T19:24:00.000-07:00

Actual message from spam email I got today;

Japanese robot with soft hands chats and serves meal.

Where is this robot and where can I get mine?!

Movie review — X-Men Origins: Wolverine

2009-05-02T08:03:00.000-07:00

Last night I saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine and while I enjoyed it, I don't think I can recommend it to everyone. This movie takes place prior to the other three X-Men movies and sets out to tell the story of how Wolverine came to be. It starts really strong laying out the foundation of Wolverine's relationship with Sabertooth and erodes as it becomes more of a standard fare blockbuster action movie.

I would give this movie a B-/C+. I really liked it but partially because I was just happy to see some of my favorite X-Men characters on screen. There were some good moments and story elements that eventually became overshadowed by the tidy ending that the filmmakers wanted to create. Some of the special effects seemed a little sloppy and at times the direction was uneven. Go see it if you're looking for a fun action-packed blockbuster movie or are a big X-Men fan. Otherwise you might be let down.

Creepy coupon ads

2009-04-28T17:34:00.000-07:00

So as you may or may not know I cut coupons. I'm a bit of a coupon fanatic and I always love the creepy ads that are put in them. Here are a few from this week that stuck out.

Bedwetting, sure it's not fun and something to be avoided but what's with those two scary looking kids? They have black eyes and the girl's are dripping something black! This looks like the cover of a Marilyn Manson album not a bedwetting ad. First off, where's the bed? Secondly those kids look way too dry. It's all sorts of wrong.

You can own the ever-creepy, Nina, for the low low price of $149.99 (payable in 5 easy installments of $29.99). She will warm your heart and haunt your dreams!

I love the cautionary note they include, "This doll is not a toy. She is a fine collectible to be enjoyed by adult collectors." Enjoyed by adult collectors huh? The only adult collectors enjoying this doll are obviously bedwetters! God forbid a child try to "play" with this doll—that's not what The Living Baby Doll is for! She is for enjoyment and mimicking the actions of a real baby.

Don't fuck with her or she will giggle at you and turn her head in defiant judgement!

Performance art at the Yale University Art Gallery

2009-04-23T17:57:00.000-07:00

I got home late from work because I stayed late for the College Night event. It featured video and performance art from Yale MFA students. I'm not a big performance art fan—in fact I usually don't like it—however there were some cool pieces. I thought I'd share a couple of performances I thought were cool. I didn't take pictures of any of the videos. Oh well!

This piece by an artist collaborative called T.R.A.S.H. showcased some cool costumes and props they made entirely out of trash. It was a really creative use of materials.

People Who Need People, by Katie Vida was a humorous interaction between her and a sculpture by David Smith that is in the Yale University Art Gallery's sculpture garden.

Those whacky artists, what will they think of next?! In general I've learned that all performance starts with leotards and goes from there.

Blind item

2009-04-20T18:38:00.000-07:00

I'm usually not a big celebrity news hound but all day I have been obsessed with blind item gossip posts. They can be really addictive trying to figure out who they're about. Somewhere I was reading a post by Ted Casablancas from E! and trying to figure out who it was about. http://www.blinditemsexposed.com/2009/04/blind-vice-judas-jerks-it-again.html

I think it's either Hayden Christensen or maybe Wentworth Miller. Let me know if you have any guesses.

Is it kosher?

2009-04-20T18:36:00.000-07:00

So, check out the subject line of a spam email I got today. The Rabbi Supports Pre-Mariital Masturbation. Well, if the Rabbi supports it then that's cool with me. Who is "The Rabbi" anyway? Is he like the Jewish pope? Like there's only one Rabbi.

Bands that I think suck.

2009-04-15T17:48:00.000-07:00

These are bands that deserve to be called out for their general suckiness. I almost called this list the worst frontmen since so many of them have that going for them. I'm not gonna lie, I've listened to all of these bands on the radio at times and maybe even liked one or two of their songs. I've also watched episodes of The Simple Life but wouldn't call myself a Paris Hilton fan.

Here they are in order of least to most disliked by me.

5. Linkin Park.

I'm sure many people will disagree with me on this based on Linkin Park's popularity, however I stand by my general disklike. This band creates what I call, "pussy rock". They look like rockers, sometimes they sound like rockers, but most of their songs are whiny angst-ridden teenage ballads. "Wah, my girlfriend doesn't love me, I suck at sports and have acne. Wah". To top it off they helped create the rap/rock genre. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

4. 30 Seconds to Mars

Jared Leto on My So-Called Life = Cool.

Jared Leto as lead singer of pussy rock emo band ≠ cool.

3. AFI

Where do I begin. AFI's lead singer not only has Zac Efron-esque hair that even Zac would say is too feminine but he wears makeup and has a cutesy pie name—Davy Havok. Oooh tough Here are a sample of their lyrics to demonstrate Davy's sexual ambiguity and shitty songwriting;

He wanted love, I taste of blood

He bit my lip, and drank my war
From years before

Is he a gay vampire or just a confused and love struck vegetarian-emo-rocker? The answer is he's lame and so is his band's craptastic music.

2. Nickelback

(to the tune of Someday, by Nickelback)

How the hell did we wind up famous?

And how were we able

to make songs that are hits?

with our videos on cable.

These guys suck so hard that the lead singer, Chad Kroeger, even sucks himself off! It's true, Google it if you dare. These guys exemplify pussy rock. Their music all sounds the same and is geared towards soccer moms, teenage girls and deaf people. Not to mention Chad Kroeger's lame ass song from the Spider-Man soundtrack was a blantant rip-off of Kiss From a Rose by Seal. If you're going to rip off a song for a superhero soundtrack, don't use another well known song from a superhero soundtrack! Ugh.

1. Savage Garden

First of all, how "savage" can a garden be? Unless it's filled with man-eating plants and killer bees, I don't think gardens are particularly fearsome. Oh how these guys suck. They are like God's gift to easy listening.

That's my list, feel free to comment and agree or disagree.

Easter specials

2009-04-11T11:07:00.000-07:00

Aren't TV holiday specials awesome? They always have a commercial basis and tread lightly to to add in some sort of religious or moral lesson without actually taking a stance on anything. They're kinda like the elevator music of TV since it's non-offensive, good for setting a mood but whole-heartedly non-committal.

I found two classic Easter special clips; first off we have A Family Circus Easter and secondly the Heathcliff story of the first Easter egg. Both tell of the importance of finding Easter eggs. A value that is lost on many. Happy Easter!

Let's do the time warp again!

2009-04-10T20:33:00.000-07:00

Check out this link for the Time Travel cheat sheet. I saw it posted on Gizmodo and had to share it because it's something I've often thought about. If you went back in time and just used the basic knowledge you had then you could take credit for inventing all sorts of crap! You'd be the world's smartest person without any of the pesky schooling or years of research to come up with one remarkable find.

It's got all the basic knowledge you need to be king of the world when you go back in time and leap-frog other people's intelligence to become an Einstein in your own right.

http://i.gizmodo.com/5207549/time-travel-cheat-sheet

Just the JPG
http://www.topatoco.com/graphics/qw-cheatsheet-print-zoom.jpg

It reminded me of this Ben Stiller Show clip that shows what would actually happen if most people went back in time. Enjoy!

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Old art

2009-04-08T18:10:00.000-07:00

Here's a sketch I did on my computer years ago but I figured I'd post it.

Pears, the disappointing fruit

2009-04-08T17:45:00.000-07:00

I had a pear yesterday and was disappointed by it. In fact, pears are always a let down. I had let this particular pear sit for a few days and it seemed perfectly ripe, but it was anything but. Come to think of it, even when pears are ripe they're not very good, they're too wet and kinda crappy.

Word to the wise, an apple a day keeps the doctor away but a pear will just piss you off!

Painter 11 experiments

2009-04-04T19:17:00.000-07:00

I've been messing around with a trial I have of Painter and this is one of the drawings I've created. Enjoy!

Illustration Friday – Poise

2009-04-02T18:05:00.000-07:00

Here's my illustration for this week's Illustration Friday. I give you...poise! More of a sketch, but let me know what you think!

Sad news

2009-04-01T17:37:00.001-07:00

Your whole family and all of your friends have been killed in a fiery car accident.

JUST KIDDING! April Fool's! Ha ha ha. Isn't that hilarious how I fooled you?!

Oh Easter Bush, oh Easter Bush!

2009-03-30T18:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, driving home tonight I saw a Christmas tree lit up in the window of a house in Middletown. No lie and no mistaking the fact it was a Christmas tree. Take it down people! Even if it's a fake tree I think you've celebrated enough.

FAILs

2009-03-26T19:37:00.001-07:00

In case you've never seen FAIL blog (http://failblog.org/) it's genius. I was crying from laughing earlier today so I thought I would post these hilarious images from it. Enjoy!

see more pwn and owned pictures

see more pwn and owned pictures

Head fail.

2009-03-24T19:52:00.000-07:00

I saw this toy while I was in a waiting room and had to take a picture. Why would Han Solo's head be so big? How would that even work? Is it representative of his ego? Is this toy conceptual or just ill-proportioned? You'd need one hellova hyperdrive to get off a planet with that noggin' on board.

Broth for some.

2009-03-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

I just saw this and thought it was funny.

Cat-lick guilt

2009-03-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

I think my feline friend Alistair felt bad for all the beating he gives his brother. I know, it's obnoxious to post pictures of your pets but it's a cute picture. (Photo courtesy of Keith Edwards).

Words escape me.

2009-03-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

What a cute little scamp! Who wouldn't want to welcome this wonderful little monkey into their life? "A winsome little baby monkey figure so lovable, you'll smile every time you see her". Who doesn't want to smile?! Admit it, without this Monkey Cuddles miniature life is not worth living. Just like the description says, "she's just too cute for words!"

Do yourself a favor and make your give your life meaning—buy Monkey Cuddles.

Movie review—Milk mustache

2009-03-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

I just got finished watching Milk and it was a really incredible film. I highly recommend it. The movie was a biography of gay activist Harvey Milk. It was well paced, features terrific performances and was inspiring. So often biographies get bogged down in details instead of helping you to empathize with the character and have a vested interest in their struggle, but that's one way in which this movie succeeds. It did feel a little long at times but it's probably because I was tired.

This movie is so good it may leave you wanting to grow a mustache or if you're a female, seek out a guy with one. No sleepy sheep for this movie.

Squirrels—nature's junkies

2009-03-19T17:16:00.000-07:00

I just saw a really cute squirrel yesterday but I gotta say—they're all really tweaked out aren't they?! Squirrels are nature's drug addicts. They're always looking around all over and don't stay still. They're digging, looking for nuts (drugs), or just being otherwise sketchy. They start with acorns and before you know it they're snorting walnuts off oak tree bark.

So, next time you see a squirrel, be a friend try to get him some help.

Happy T.J. O’Pootertoots!

2009-03-17T18:24:00.001-07:00

Happy wearin' o' the green to all my Irish friends! I'm your all-American mutt so I'm some percentage of Irish, a bit of this, a dash of that, some native American...etc. I like to pretend I'm more Irish than anything on March 17th but I can't fake the funk on Columbus Day, I'm not remotely Eye-talian.

P.S. The secret is that T.J. O’Pootertoot's famous Pooter Balls are people!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0S2rGXaCEk

TMI

2009-03-16T18:19:00.000-07:00

I got a paper cut today. Please send me sympathy and warm wishes. Please.

This boot ain't made for walking

2009-03-16T17:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this isn't the most exciting drawing in the world, but it's one that I did in my sketchbook during lunch the other day. I'm trying to get into posting artwork here so this is my first step. Ha ha. Get it?!

Fleetwood Mac at Mohegan Sun

2009-03-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

So last night Keith and I went to see Fleetwood Mac at Mohegan Sun and damn did we have amazing seats! We were front row center–I've never been that close for any show and it's pretty amazing. They sounded great and played a full 2 1/2 hours of their greatest hits. I wish the band would've done a little more audience interaction however, since they mostly ignored us lowly folk standing below their feet. It was a great experience and a great show though.

I've attached some pictures and two reviews from local papers.

http://www.courant.com/entertainment/music/hc-fleetwood-mac-review-0315,0,4372828.story
http://www.masslive.com/entertainment/index.ssf/2009/03/fleetwood_mac_unleash_big_hits.html

Movie review—No, Speed Racer, no.

2009-03-14T10:56:00.001-07:00

Speed Racer was not a very good movie, although I'm sure most people could've surmised that already. I don't know why they made this movie live-action, they should've just made a better looking cartoon if they really insisted on making a Speed Racer movie. The cast was great, but the movie was not. I feel a sleep like a half hour into it and that first half hour was not very entertaining. Therefore I give it 3 out of 4 sheep. That's the scale to determine how fast you'd fall asleep watching it. Wah, wah.

Leather, lace, possibly bad hair

2009-03-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

I'm going to see Fleetwood Mac tonight and I'm so excited, I have front row center seats thanks to my sister. I hope to have up close pictures of the event.

Doors...the silent killer

2009-03-12T14:56:00.000-07:00

Beware faithful reader, there's a killer among you, right there lurking in every room in your house, ready to strike and you probably had no idea—doors! I ran into one of these bastards in the dark last night and just look what it did to me!

Cylon...is that a type of synthetic fabric?

2009-03-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

I was watching Battlestar Galactica last night and if you haven't watched it do yourself a favor and watch it. There are only a few episodes left but you can get it on DVD or download it. It's quality sci-fi that uses robots called Cylons as an allegory for bigotry and an exploration of humanity in general. It's really thoughtful and well-written and doesn't have all sorts of weird looking aliens. Who needs them, they just raise the price per episode with makeup and special effects! Anyway the Cylons are bad mo-fos not like your typical comic relief robots, effeminate C-3PO droids, Roombas or what have you. There are two types of Cylons, the scary killer robot variety (as pictured here) and the ones who look like "normal humans" (i.e. supermodels). Not only are the majority of the human looking Cylons hot, they come in multiples! Bonus.

Besides the drama, analogies, deep pondering of humanity, and killer robots, the other great thing about Battlestar Galactica? Frak. They don't say that other four letter f word, in space if you're fleeing from killer robots that you created you say frak. I guess there's just no reason why you can't be sensitive to the young 'uns ears.

All in all it's a frakkin' awesome shot and sadly there are only a few episodes left and I highly recommend it.

Enter...The Room!

2009-03-10T18:08:00.001-07:00

Okay, two posts in one day; whaddya gonna do?! I just want to get word out about The Room. It is a cinematic marvel the likes of which the world has never seen. It is truly a gem. A gem wrapped in bad acting, no plot and lots of awkward sex scenes. It's only about $10 on Amazon, splurge and buy it! It's a big cult hit in L.A. and has midnight screenings and the like.

http://www.theroommovie.com/

Baby's first blog

2009-03-10T17:29:00.000-07:00

So I finally decided to join the many masses of vain, egocentric bloggers and post crap that interests me or I find funny. I hope you like it! Ha ha.